The Good Husband's Guide by Jake Graig. Copyright 2010. All Rights Reserved.

Awhile ago, a good friend of mine sent me an email of a interesting article titled, "The Good Wife's Guide." The article was unaccredited and appeared in a 1955 magazine called Housekeeping Monthly. In today's era of  "modern women" and feminism, the outdated article would serve as an excellent battle cry for the radical feminist movement. It's depiction of the "perfect" wife, complete with a picture of a cheery Wife/Mother, wearing an apron and pearls, serving hot, homemade cookies out of the oven to her adoring husband and children is offensive, sexist, racist and almost laughable. I doubt if any of "today's" women will laugh at it because I'm sure their feminist sisters have pointed out to them that here is yet more proof of how bad and evil men really are.

No, I  don't want to go off on any shallow thoughts here, but I'm willing to bet this article has made its way to many email in-boxes around the world, not to mention bulletin boards at every Feminist Movement chapter in America. I'm assuming there will be many who have seen the article, but in fairness to those who haven't, here is the article as it appeared in Housekeeping Monthly.

THE GOOD WIFE'S GUIDE

* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready and on time for his return home.This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are always hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
*Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just spent 12 hours with a lot of work weary people.
*Be gay and interesting for him. His hard day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
*Clear away the clutter. Make a last trip through the house just before your husband arrives.
*Over the cooler months of the year, you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too. After all, catering to his personal comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
*Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile. Show sincerity in your desire to please him.
*Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not one of them. Let him talk first. Remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
*Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself body and spirit.
*Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
*Make him comfortable. Have him put his feet up and have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
*Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the Master of the House, and as such, will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You h ave no right to question him.
*A Good Wife knows her place.

The collective breaths being drawn in by feminists and "modern" women everywhere is deafening. But, before you release your tirades of outrage over the sexist and racist attitudes of the article, bear in mind, the article was written in 1955. An era where obedience and servitude by women was the norm and the role-models for young housewives were the "Super-Moms", like Donna Reed, Harriet Nelson and the never without her pearls, June Cleaver. And although the article is unaccredited, it states that it was written by a woman. I'm sure the "Rad-Fems", (as I like to call them) will vehemently disagree on this. I can see the press release now....."This article could never have been written by a woman. It was obviously written by a man, once again, proving what self-centered, pompous asses they truly are......."

Man-Bashing has become quite fashionable (and profitable) in the media and feminist's circles these days and if the Radfems have to go back 50 years to find examples of unfair treatment to women and proof that men are inherently evil, even though when the present society no longer hinders women in any way.....then so be it. I suppose it's easier to man-bash then present an accurate and positive account of relations between the sexes.

With that said, I present my own list, built on the same premise, which is called, accurately enough...

THE GOOD HUSBAND'S GUIDE
*Stop and pick up dinner on your way home from work or be ready to prepare dinner once you arrive. Plan ahead and always know what your going to pick up or prepare. Indecision, however small, can lead to doubts about your ability to provide for your wife and children.
*Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to gather your thoughts before entering the house. Put any thoughts about your day or the exhaustion you feel, aside. Put a smile on your face and be fresh looking. Your wife has had a hard day cleaning, struggling with kids and dealing with flirty next-door neighbors. Be supportive. Take  a breath mint.
*Make things interesting for her when you arrive. Her day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. Gifts of flowers, candy, or cash are always helpful in putting her in a "non-yelling" mood and making her feel appreciated.
*Gather the children together and give them cash to be quiet for the rest of the night. The children are little treasures to your wife and she will treasure them more if they will be SILENT.
*Always be happy to see her. Greet her with a warm smile and a no limit Visa card. Be sincere in your desire to please her. Listen to her. You may have a dozen important things to tell her, but your arrival home is not the time. Let her talk first. Remember, her hard day of cleaning, struggling with kids and flirty next-door neighbors are topics of conversation more important than yours.
*Make the evening hers. Don't greet her with complaints or problems. Your 12-hour day and the need to put your feet up is secondary. Instead, try to understand her world of stress and pressure and her need to relax.
*Never question her actions, integrity or judgement concerning the workings of the house and flirty next-door neighbors. Remember, she is the Mistress of the house, and as such, will exercise her will with fairness and truthfulness.
*Most of all, never question her why she sometimes calls you Fred, which happens to be the name of your next door neighbor.
*A Good Husband knows when to shut-up.

Now, granted, my list is a bit exaggerated, but I think it illustrates an important difference. While the "Good Wife's Guide is outdated and laughable in its attitudes toward women, my list expresses many sentiments that is practiced, believed and upheld by many "modern wives" and the culture at large.
Although I feel my List is just as offensive and just as sexist, I'm willing to bet its a pretty accurate picture of the plight of many 'modern husbands". No one so much as blinks at the way some husbands and men in general, are treated in these times....and, as long as men are so thoroughly unappreciated and completely abused....but proud enough, strong enough and mature enough not to complain.....No one ever will.

And that's my deep thought for the day.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

A Healthier Sex Life for Men? by Jake Graig. Copyright 2010. All Rights Reserved.

While browsing the "Internet Highway" recently, I came across an article on MSN's Men's Lifestyle section entitled, "Seven Steps Men Can Take That Will Lead to a Healthier Sex Life." Being of the male gender and curious about all things concerning sex and noticing that pictures accompanied each step, my interest was piqued immediately. I unplugged the phone, turned on some soft music, lit a few candles and began to read.

Now, I don't want to go off on a shallow thought here, but I had a couple of problems with the article. O.K., maybe more than a couple, but that's not the point. The point is that I'm all in favor of men having a healthier sex life. The experts agree that a healthier sex life equates into a healthier life in general for both men and women. Now, I'm not an expert and I'm not totally sure who these "experts" are and what thy are "expert" in, but will have to agree that a healthier sex life for men that equates to a healthier life for both men and women could be a very good thing. Maybe it would cause less arguing over why a sock wasn't picked up off the floor and put into the hamper where it belongs. There is always hope.

The main problem I had with this article will be obvious to those who know me. Most likely, it will be obvious to those who only vaguely know me. Come to think of it, it will probably be obvious to those who don't even know me, but have heard about me from those who vaguely know me. With that said, the main problem I had with the article comes in the form of a question. "In order for a man to have a healthier sex life, wouldn't said man have to HAVE a sex life?" And, would having scented candles around your bed, an automatic tissue dispenser on the nightstand and a poster of a 22 yr. old Raquel Welch in a white bikini on the ceiling constitute a sex life?

I asked these questions to a random group of friends, and the definitive answer was, "Well, that goes without saying." And, "No." Normally, the statement, "That goes without saying", would make me digress into a totally different subject, so, for those with short attention spans, I will save that tirade for another article.

For those who are still with me, the seven steps men can take for a healthier sex life are...

Step #1:  Lose the Belly (accompanied by a picture of a man with a big belly). I'm not totally sure how losing your belly can lead to a healthier sex life, but am assuming it probably means giving up burgers and nachos. Telling a man to give up burgers and nachos would be like telling Tiger Woods to give up a few phone numbers. I don't see it happening.
Step #2:  Do More Squats (accompanied by a picture of a man squatting). Again, I'm not sure how squatting can lead to a healthier sex life, but assuming it has something to do with regular exercise. Personally, I squat maybe 2 times a day and so far I haven't seen a healthier sex life. Telling a man to squat more would be like telling my Father to give up chocolate marshmallow pies. I don't see it happening.
Step #3:  Get Serious About Lowering Your Cholesterol (accompanied by a picture of a man eating celery). Again, not sure how lowering your Cholesterol can lead to a healthier sex life, but it seems eating more celery and less burgers and nachos will do it for you. Don't want to repeat myself, but I don't see it happening.
Step #4:  Eat More Walnuts (accompanied by a picture of BIG walnut). This step really aroused my curiosity. The step states that walnuts or anything that contains an amino acid called "arginine", because apparently, arginine promotes a process called "nitric-oxide release", which relaxes blood vessels and increases blood flow. The "experts", that I referred to earlier, have determined that increased blood flow is a good thing and I would have to agree. However, the phrase, "nitric-oxide release" scares me a little bit. It sounds like a line from a "B" science fiction movie from the 50's. "Take me to your leader or I will release nitric oxide on your private parts". For those who are still paying attention, arginine can also be found in almonds, beans, tuna and salmon.
Step #5:  Pay Attention (accompanied by a rare picture of a man paying attention). This step poses these interesting questions. "Does it burn when you pee?" "Are you seeing blood?" Is there any discomfort when you adjust yourself? These questions raised this question for me. If you answered yes to any of these questions, how could you NOT pay attention? And the only discomfort I feel when adjusting myself is when I have to adjust myself in public.
Step #6:  Get a Physical Once a Year (accompanied by a picture of a man with a big belly being examined by a Doctor).  I don't really have a problem with this step. Full body cavity searches can be fun. I just wish my Doctor would light a few candles and maybe buy me dinner afterwards.
Step #7:  Do a Self-Exam Every Six Months (accompanied by a picture of a man with a big belly, pulling his Fruit of the Looms out, and peering at his private parts). The instructions for this step are, and I quote, "Feel around your testicles for hardness and discomfort, and if you "sense" anything that feels like a knuckle, see your Doctor. There's a chance it could be testicular cancer." Now, I would never make fun of something as serious as cancer, but I agree this step can be a help in having a healthier sex life. Lets face it. If you lose "the boys", your chances of having a healthier sex life are slim. Not to mention talking in a higher voice.

In closing, you can decide for yourselves if these steps will lead to a healthier sex life. As for me, Im going to buy a 5 pound bag of walnuts, have a nice dinner of seared tuna over beans, smothered with almonds, light a few candles, and feel my testicles.

And that's my Deep Thought for the day.